Too many emotions

Considering buying Remember Me on amazon instant video. I always meant to see it but never got around to it. I know I could just buy it from Walmart or whatever but I kinda wanna watch it now and am not going to Walmart at 1 a.m. just to buy a movie when I’m already in pajamas.

(Just kidding, I never got out of pajamas today.)

But seriously, though.

And I’m tempted to buy Titanic on instant video too, but I know I want the blu rayfor it, so I’m going to wait on that one.

Also I collaged/painted a fall fairy in my art journal today. The only thing I don’t like about it is that the magazine image I used for her head was a little bigger than what I had sketched out so now it sort of looks like she has no neck. It looked fine when I laid the image down to check its position but when I glued it.. no neck. And by the time I realized the problem, the glue had dried.

But her dress and the background turned out really awesome.

I miss my mom. And part of me thinks that the reason I haven’t been in any hurry to graduate is because she won’t be there. And I think that’s part of the reason I never want to get married. When it comes to major changes in my life, sometimes it feels like… what’s the point if she can’t see it? And also I have this nagging feeling that she wouldn’t be proud of me if she could see me now and it makes me feel bad but at the same time, I like the person I am becoming, even if she wouldn’t.

…I think maybe grief would be easier if I really believed in an afterlife, but I don’t anymore. It’s been four and a half years since my mom died and some days it feels like it was yesterday. Today is one of those days, thanks to a particularly heartbreaking september 11ths tribute.

I have too many feelings today, and I just want to hug my kitty.

I’ll have some artsy pictures up soon. I’ve been making some really cool stuff.

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