Considering buying Remember Me on amazon instant video. I always meant to see it but never got around to it. I know I could just buy it from Walmart or whatever but I kinda wanna watch it now and am not going to Walmart at 1 a.m. just to buy a movie when I’m already in pajamas.
(Just kidding, I never got out of pajamas today.)
But seriously, though.
And I’m tempted to buy Titanic on instant video too, but I know I want the blu rayfor it, so I’m going to wait on that one.
Also I collaged/painted a fall fairy in my art journal today. The only thing I don’t like about it is that the magazine image I used for her head was a little bigger than what I had sketched out so now it sort of looks like she has no neck. It looked fine when I laid the image down to check its position but when I glued it.. no neck. And by the time I realized the problem, the glue had dried.
But her dress and the background turned out really awesome.
I miss my mom. And part of me thinks that the reason I haven’t been in any hurry to graduate is because she won’t be there. And I think that’s part of the reason I never want to get married. When it comes to major changes in my life, sometimes it feels like… what’s the point if she can’t see it? And also I have this nagging feeling that she wouldn’t be proud of me if she could see me now and it makes me feel bad but at the same time, I like the person I am becoming, even if she wouldn’t.
…I think maybe grief would be easier if I really believed in an afterlife, but I don’t anymore. It’s been four and a half years since my mom died and some days it feels like it was yesterday. Today is one of those days, thanks to a particularly heartbreaking september 11ths tribute.
I have too many feelings today, and I just want to hug my kitty.
I’ll have some artsy pictures up soon. I’ve been making some really cool stuff.
I was up until three a.m. last night working on this collage. Some personal things have been going on, and I’ve been working through my feelings about them in my art journal, resulting in some intensely personal pages. This page in particular means a lot to me. I cried when I finished it, honestly.
I did a painting on canvas for the first time today! I’m so proud of myself. I was kind of afraid to paint on canvas because, compared to a journal, canvas is expensive. But I found a 2 pack of 8×10 canvases at walmart for cheap and have been painting enough in my art journal that I felt like I could paint something I would like.
Experimented with my lace doilies for a background for a journal page. The results were fairly disappointing. A paintbrush doesn’t work very well, and neither does my paint roller. A makeup sponge works pretty well though. And the lace doilies don’t work well at all, but the larger ones are better.
I used a heavy body acrylic for the first time, and I’m not sure I like it either, so I may not buy anymore of them. I think I’m getting kind of spoiled by the better quality paint I’ve been buying because I used some cheap craft paint for a background for a page and I’m utterly underwhelmed by how thin the paint is and also how much paint it took to cover the paper.
I’m finding that one has to strike a fine balance. Watching art journaling and mixed media technique videos on youtube can be inspiring, but it can also be intimidating. It can show me techniques and make me want to try things I’ve never even thought of before, but looking at other people’s amazing art has a tendency to make me too critical of mine, I think. Tonight it just feels like nothing is going right.
I started this collage tonight. It ended up being a response to a prompt at A Year in the Life of an Art Journal, although when I started the first layer of this collage, I didn’t intend it to be one. The prompt was “summertime”. It’s not completely finished. I’m going to add some words to it, I think, but I really like it so far.
I shared this page with you guys when I did the background. I finally finished it, and I like the way it turned out, so I thought you guys might like to see the finished pages.
I got a bunch of new stuff today. My Golden gesso and Prismacolor colored pencils came from Amazon. I got a bunch of stamps and some distress ink in wild honey and some pink ink and also some K and Company embellishments and some watercolors. The Golden gesso and Prismacolor pencils are SO worth the money. I gessoed six pages with the Golden earlier, and it’s SO smooth and lovely. I’ve been watching art journal videos on youtube and playing around in my journal. I’ll have to take some pictures of the stuff I’ve been playing around with soon.
While I was in the shower just now, I realized something. Whenever it feels like my creative gremlins have come out to gang up on me and make me feel like I will never be able to make anything again, it’s not really about being in a creative slump. Often, I have discovered, it’s about the fact that I’m avoiding dealing with something I should be dealing with. Because, if my journal is what I tell myself it is, meaning if it really is a place where anything goes, then the bad stuff needs to go in it, too. Part of the problem, I think, is that I have trouble really believing that the things I create don’t have to be pretty. If I’m dealing with the negative things in my life, I don’t think that the pages that result out of them should necessarily be “pretty” because then that doesn’t feel honest, but I have a hard time purposely making pages that aren’t pretty.